God Doesn't Heal What We Hide

Why your pain, not your positivity, might be your greatest offering to God.

Photo by Alexandr Safronov on Unsplash

When was the last time you complained to God?

Most won’t go there. We’d rather fake gratitude than risk honesty. We stuff the ache and robotically chant polite prayers, smile, and call it faith. But here’s the truth:

God doesn’t heal what we hide.

My First Time Complaining to God (A Confession)

A couple of summers ago, my therapist said I was carrying bottled‑up grief. She suggested breathwork for trauma that, for some, would induce tears.

I thought that sounded strange, but I gave it a shot: lights off, lying on the floor, praying and breathing in the way she instructed.

Two minutes in, I didn’t want to cry; I wanted to stop the exercise. Then suddenly I was sobbing. Not polite tears, but ugly, full‑body weeping. Alone, but impossibly seen.

Thirty minutes later, I felt lighter than I had in months. That experience was my baptism into lament.

I wanted it to become a discipline. But discipline is more complicated than denial. It was easier to drift back into bottling things up, tossing half-hearted complaints into prayers, and switching quickly to gratitude, as though grief and gratitude can’t coexist.

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Why We Hide

Henri Nouwen once wrote: “The great challenge is living your wounds through instead of thinking them through. It is better to cry than to worry, better to feel your wounds deeply than to understand them…”

Nouwen is saying what we all know but rarely do: pain isn’t meant to be managed or intellectualized. It’s meant to be lived through with God.

Grief is slow, but hiding is slower.

Some of you have a PhD in hiding your needs or downplaying your limp. Maybe you survived by becoming strong and reliable, but also quietly lonely. Psychologists call this Avoidant Attachment.

Here’s a quick self-audit:

• Do you withdraw or numb out when you’re overwhelmed?

• Are you afraid of being called “needy” by God or anyone else?

• Do you share as little as possible and take on more than you can handle?

• Are you a world-class compartmentalizer?

If that’s you, here’s what you need to know:

The mask doesn’t just hide you from people. It hides you from the healing you crave.

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Lament as the Doorway

Somewhere we learned to loop the “Overcomer soundtrack” when our hearts are breaking. But perseverance isn’t spiritual bypassing; it’s acknowledging the pain while moving forward.

Scripture is full of lament… raw, unedited complaint. And lament does not repel God; it opens the door to His presence.

A mentor told me a few months ago:

“If you skip the grief, you’ll fill your life with spiritual adrenaline and call it faith. But you’ll rob yourself of healing.”

This instantly resonated. He called me out. I needed to sit with God in the grief.

The question was: what would I do with my grief? When I finally stopped hiding my pain, I stumbled into a practice I now call the “Grief Audit.” It’s not tidy, but it shifted everything. This practice changed everything for me, and it’s probably not what you’re expecting.